In Nairobi, 24-year-old Faith (not her real name) sat in a corporate meeting, silently debating whether to speak up. As one of the youngest employees in her office and among the first women in her family to attend university, she felt the immense pressure of professional expectations. When a senior colleague inaccurately claimed that Faith agreed with a proposal she didn’t support, she found herself smiling and nodding fearing that disagreeing would brand her as “difficult” or “disruptive.” This silent surrender is not uncommon and represents a broader phenomenon known as “likeability labour.”
Likeability labour refers to the mental and emotional effort many women exert daily to be perceived as agreeable in professional settings. According to a 2025 McKinsey report on Women in the Workplace, which focused on Kenya, Nigeria, and India, women face a significant drop in representation from entry-level positions to senior management roles. In Kenya, women hold about 50% of entry-level roles in sectors like healthcare and finance, yet that number plummets to 26% in leadership. This gap is often attributed to what researchers call “the broken rung” a critical barrier preventing women from climbing the corporate ladder.
Faith’s experience is echoed globally. A UK-based study titled Shapeshifters: What We Do to Be Liked at Work by sociologist Amy Kean found that 56% of women feel pressured to be likeable in the workplace, compared to just 36% of men. The study revealed that women often soften their speech using language like “Sorry, just quickly…” or “Does that make sense?” as a defensive mechanism to avoid being seen as aggressive. This pressure isn’t only emotional; it has tangible career consequences. A 2024 report by US firm Textio, analysing 25,000 individuals, showed that 56% of women had been labelled “unlikable” in performance reviews, compared to just 16% of men. Men were also four times more likely to receive positive feedback for being likeable.
In the Kenyan context, this pressure is compounded by cultural expectations. Dr. Gladys Nyachieo, a sociologist and senior lecturer at Multimedia University of Kenya, explains how women are socially conditioned to be caregivers a trait that translates into the office as being the “office mathe” (mother). These women often take on unpaid emotional and logistical labour such as organising food or helping with personal tasks, on top of their actual job duties. “There’s nothing wrong with being helpful,” Dr. Nyachieo says, “but you won’t get paid for it, and it won’t help you get promoted.”
Dr. Nyachieo believes that real change requires structural reforms: flexible work policies, formal mentorship programs, and more women in decision-making roles. She actively mentors young women entering the workforce and gives them blunt advice: “If you act pleasantly all the time, you will go nowhere. You have to negotiate for yourself.”
Likeability labour is not about politeness it’s about survival in an environment where women are penalised for assertiveness and rewarded for passivity. For ambitious young professionals like Faith, the choice between speaking up and fitting in can feel like choosing between progress and peace. Addressing this hidden burden is crucial for unlocking gender parity in leadership, not only in Kenya but across the global workforce.
As companies worldwide push for inclusivity and equity, acknowledging and dismantling the culture of likeability in labour could be a pivotal step in ensuring women are not just present, but heard, valued, and promoted.
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